Lines
by ravenclawseekergirl638
Summary: A collection of lines given to students to write, through the years.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer : I don't nor ever will own Harry Potter

Lines

Using sticking charms to place bows on top of frog's heads then releasing them into Professor Umbridge's office is not amusing.

Professor Snape does not need to 'get laid'.

Teaching peeves to sing the 'banana phone' song (or any other annoying repetitive songs) should be punishable by death.

The whomping willow does not have PMS.

Spaying Febreeze on professor Quirrel is insensitive.

Firenze does not appreciate death metal.

The fifth floor should never be used as an ice rink.

Drawing a moustache on the headmasters/mistresses portraits (in permanent marker or otherwise) is wrong.

Crystal balls would not make better goldfish bowls with a bit of work.

The Acromantula do not appreciate socks.

Professor Filtwick has heard every joke conceivable about his height.

Sending shampoo as a Christmas present to Severus Snape is a form of bullying.

For the sake of everyone's sanity I will not ask Lilly Evans to go on a date with me.

I will not break into the staff's 'secret' liquor store.

Moaning myrtle's name was given to her because she whinges not for **any** other reason.

Harry's name is not Bambi.


	2. Chapter 2

An: These are in my opinion, no where near as good as the last chapters. I felt that since so many of you, have read this little fic of mine, you might like some more. Hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer : I don't nor ever will own Harry Potter

Chapter 2

Lucius Malfoy is not female and does not carry a 'pimp cane'.

Ron Weasley's head is not on fire and therefore does not need water pouring over it.

Cart-wheeling into potions is not an acceptable way of entering a classroom.

Swapping Professor Flitwick's shoes with platforms is immature.

The uniform does not need updating .

I will not stalk Draco Malfoy.

Eating breakfast, naked in the Great Hall is against precisely eleven school rules.

I will not post naked pictures of the headmaster around school, as this is morally wrong as well as mentally scarring.

I will not take all the books from the library and use them to build a wall that blocks the entrance to the Slytherin common room, as this is a fire hazard.

Professor Dumbledore is not crazy and I will not tell anyone that I saw him watering himself with a watering can (so that he would grow) last Tuesday.

Telling first years that Thestrals are man-eating therefore causing mass hysteria is not amusing.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer : I don't nor ever will own Harry Potter

Chapter 3

A/N: I must admit I never thought that this 'story' would be anywhere near as popular as it is, but hey I'm not complaining. Thank you all for your reviews, story alerts and favourites, they all mean a lot to me.

I must not use a 'biro' in class.

Shouting 'Beam me up Scotty' before apparating confuses Purebloods.

I will not provide Sirius Black with caffeine, under **any** circumstances.

Miss Bellatrix Black is not in any way a good role model.

I will not paint dark marks on sleeping people.

Flying in the corridors is dangerous.

Locking Severus Snape and James Potter in a broomstick cupboard is irresponsible and could have resulted in death.

Lilly Evans does not like being referred to as Gingerbread and everything that she sees fit to do to me is my own fault.

The Giant Squid is not a pet and is a Cephalopod therefore cannot reside in the Hufflepuff dorm.

I cannot smuggle my younger sister into school in my luggage as this is inhumane and she is too young to attend the school.

Thanks for reading !


	4. Chapter 4

An: Hi everyone! Yeah this new chapter is probably a great suprise to you all. It's a surprise to me as well, i thought that i would never write another chapter for this but inspiration has come and bit me hard. I hope you enjoy it.

I will never again supply the Weasley twins with the Marauders detention files no matter how funny I find this.

Professor McGonagall does not appreciate being called Bagpuss.

I cannot ask the headmaster if I can shave his beard off and use it to knit him a pair of socks as:

-I do not know how to knit

-It shows disrespect to my elders

-The socks would be really itchy

Foretelling Harry Potter's death is not advisable as he will become angry (very angry).

Having 'Man flu' is not a sufficient reason for being absent from class.

Luna Lovegood is not crazy; she has an imagination, unlike me.

Dobby is not impressed by comments saying that he has a likeness to the President of Russia, Vladimir Putin.

Sending Hermione Granger bottles of 'Frizz Ease' for her birthday is cruel and frowned upon by staff.


	5. Chapter 5

A/n Hey everyone i've rusled up a fresh batch of lines for you wether they're funny or not is up to you, but please drop in and leave a coment. Come on everyone 13 is an unlucky number you know ;) Expect a new chapter of Whispers in the dark soon.

Chapter 4

Remus Lupin is not secretly a girl.

I will not brew illegal potions in the dungeons without permission

Lucious Malfoy does not appreciate being called Lucy or Luscious Mouthful. (i saw this in a fanfic somewhere a long time ago)

I will wear my school uniform to class even though I think red clashes with my hair and robes are too girly for my manly figure.

I cannot 'surf' down the stairs on a historical shield, just because I saw it on a 'film' and it looked cool.

Professor Snape's name is not the **EVIL **sherriff of Nottingham.

I must not hum the 'mission impossible theme' and pretend that I'm a spy whilst on my way to class as this will cause others to question my sanity.

I will never again apply super glue to Professor Trelawney's trapdoor so that it can't be opened as this is a significant fire hazard.

Professor Flitwick is not a 'hobbit'.

Creating a 'potions club' which is used to create vodka and other alcoholic spirits is wrong and I must not do it again.

Bribing the house elves to put super spicy chilli's in every dish at the Halloween feast is immature and I deserve the school populations ire.

...raven...


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

A/n: Yeah it's been a while hasn't it guys. I've been quite busy over the last few months with Whispers in the dark my first long fic, but as i've finished typing that up here is another installment of lines.

Crystal balls should not be used as bowling balls and first years are not skittles.

I will not refer to Voldermort as Prussia nor will I refer to Professor Snape as Austria.

I must not sing the 'Ghostbusters' theme tune where I may be overheard by the castle ghosts as this causes them great distress.

Severus Snape and Sebastian from Kuroshitsuji meeting is surely a sign of the Apocalypse and I will not suggest them going on a blind date again.

Hermione Granger is not the personification of Hungary despite her ability to wield a frying pan with deadly precision.

I will not put sherbert in my potion, 'To see what happens'. As this is highly dangerous and the burns that i recieved are my own fault.

Dropping Knuts off the astronomy tower is wrong (so is dropping nuts) as this causes serious health and safety issues.

...raven...


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

AN: Hi it's me again the school year is finally over where i am and i've finished my qualification. Here's a new installment to lines. I hope you like it. 

Professor McGonagall does not appreciate being given cat food for her birthday.

I will not put sherbet into my potion 'To see what happens' as this is dangerous and the burns i received are my own fault.

Never again will I call Harry Potter androgynous.

Fred and George Weasley are not good role models.

Roller skating in the hallways is forbidden ever since **'The Incident'** in 1979.

Exams are not a form of torture, despite them happening during the best weather of the year.

I will not put 'Miracle Grow' on the Venomous Tentacula.

I will not replace the sherbet in professor Dumbledore's sweets with speed nor any other controlled substance.

Sirius Black is not Aragorn son of Arathorn and the rightful King of Gondor.


End file.
